the year lent changed my life.

I have given up so many things for Lent. Gum (hard). Facebook (harder). Soda (harder-er). Ice cream (hardest). One year, in high school, I decided I would give up negative thinking. It sounds a little strange and it was extremely difficult, but any time a negative thought started to enter my mind, I tried to change it into a positive one. It required a lot of discipline and of course I wasn't always perfect in maintaining it, but the act of turning a negative thought into a positive thought was so powerful for me. It honestly transformed my life. By the time lent was over, I was thinking positive thoughts nearly all the time, and it felt so good! It was amazing to think that I had control over how my thoughts lived in my mind. It actually changed my life — and I mean that!

Recently, I've felt like I lost that. Instead of turning my negative thoughts into something more productive, I've let them live in my mind and collect dust. They've made a home there, created a space, and taken up valuable property. In this particular season of my life it's been harder for me to think positively,  and I miss that part of myself. So for Lent this year, I'm revisiting the act of giving up negative thinking. I'm excited to pursue this venture purposefully, with a full heart.

What will you do this year? xo, R.

sharing on a sunday.

* After a lot of research, I've decided to go dairy free until our wedding! I've suffered from cystic acne for over 4 years now (it started up when I entered college) and have done nearly everything to make it go away. While my acne has subsided and been much more manageable than it was just two years ago, it still isn't perfect. I've done tons and tons of research about acne and have decided to give going dairy free a go. I'm nervous! I love pizza and put parmesan cheese on everything, but I'm hoping this will give me some clarity on my face.

* Taking Woody on a long walk everyday has been my bliss over the last few weeks. There's nothing quite like a stroll through campus with my love, and our sweet little pup gets some exercise in the process. Jeffrey and I have had some wonderful conversations on our walks (about some deep and exciting things!) and I think it is a wonderful way to reset and disconnect from things that might not have gone our way during the work day, or otherwise.

* We've been in the process of making a little movie to document the month of January and we're planning to do this the whole year. I have a serious love for short little home movies and I've had a blast putting this one together. :)

* The best thing I've ever done for my morning routine is choosing an outfit and ironing it the night before. I usually try to choose my wardrobe for the entire week, but when I'm in a pinch, one day at a time will do. I absolutely loooove freshly ironed clothing (and not standing in front of my closet asking the age old question, "what to wear?!?" at 5:30 AM feels nice).

* We have no idea what we're doing next year! This scares me to my core. I am the kind of person who likes to think 1, 2 or even 3 weeks ahead. It is programmed within me to be like this. I'm trying to be at peace with our rootlessness, but I'm not always good at it. It helps to think about the next year as an adventure and remind myself that, no matter what, we will be okay.

* My current favorite thing to wear is a ring made by my great grandfather-in-law. It was gifted to me by my (almost) mother-in-law at my bridal shower last weekend and I love it. I didn't know this man, but it makes me feel like I did. And it makes me feel loved that my in-laws are trusting me with such a precious family heirloom. Marriage brings so many wonderful things!

* Some things I'm loving:

• This simple baseball cap from Madewell
• A Blog About Love (such a pleasant read on a Sunday morning) 
• Coconut oil for homemade popcorn
• I'm really interested in getting this leash for Woody (who could stand to learn a thing or two about pulling)
• Topman is a really lovely store I just discovered for men's clothing (I think it may originally come from the UK)
• A good thing to remember.

I hope you're having the loveliest Sunday! xo, R.

P.S. Do you like posts like this? I sometimes try to lean away from posts that are word-heavy, but I like sharing with you guys!

a love letter to my almost-husband.

Dear Jeffrey,

I got so lucky when I found you, my match.
I am so thankful that you came at just the right time...that our love story started no sooner or no later than it did. Timing like that is certainly orchestrated from above.
After five and a half years, you still look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the room. I know you'll still do that 60 years from now.
Thanks for telling me everyday that you are proud of me...for actually stopping me in my tracks, holding my shoulders, and looking me straight in my eyes to send that little message of encouragement. It means so much to me.
Thank you for still dating me, pursuing me. I love going on dates with you.
I am so appreciative that you help me not to worry about everything. That you tell me to stop and take one deep breath because it will all be okay. Sometimes you just stop me in the middle of the house and hug me. Sometimes I am rushed or impatient about it. Thanks for hugging me anyway.
Thanks for helping me to be a better person, for always challenging me to be better.
And sometimes, when I need that little bit of tough love, I thank you for being strong enough to give that to me. For reminding me that I am better than that and for not accepting any less.
Sometimes I look at you or think about you and wonder how this could all even be possible. How is it that I got you, the one person made solely for me? It warms my heart to even contemplate it a little, little bit.
You are you and I am me and we are for each other. It is my favorite feeling in all the world. Marriage to you will be so sweet.

Yours, Always,
R.

happy thanksgiving.

I hope you have a happy, healthy, lovely Thanksgiving. This year I am thankful for so many things; it's difficult to put it all into words. I am thankful for the love and support of my family. I am thankful for the companionship and adoration of my Jeffrey. I am thankful for the friendship and kindness of my sister and her husband. I'm thankful for the encouragement and reliability of my friends. I am thankful for the cuteness and fuzziness of my sweet pup. I'm also thankful for you, my sweet readers. Thanks for sticking around. What are you thankful for? xo, R.

P.S. The Thankful Week :)

birthday festivities.

It's hard to believe that my birthday was already over a month ago. It seems like fall always goes by really quickly. The combination of anticipation for the holiday season and the rush of a new school year seems to make the autumn months really rush by. Since October is my favorite month, this realization always make me feel a bit sad, which is why I have no problem reliving this year's birthday celebration.

I went home for the weekend and it was just the four of us as a family. That almost never happens. It was so special for it to be just us. Jeffrey happened to be out of town and Mark was attending a conference, so they couldn't make it. They were certainly missed, but the four of us had a lovely time. We went to the Saturday morning farmers' market (which was boiling hot), the scrapbook store, one of my favorite lunch spots, Anthropologie, and out to a restaurant with the very best Vegetable Pad Thai I've ever tasted. Thinking of it makes me want a big plate full with a big, big glass of Thai iced tea to go with it! xo, R.

five years.

Jeffrey and I have been a couple for five wonderful years. I just don't know what I'd do without him. He brings the sunshine right into my life and I am thankful for his kind soul and generous heart every minute of everyday. I do believe I am a lucky girl to be called his. Happy Anniversary, my love. I love you so, so much!

P.S. A post I wrote recently just for him and our engagement story. :)

when your heart's on the road.

A little over two weeks ago, Jeffrey left for a bicycle tour. For a year, he has dreamt this idea up and finally he got the opportunity to go after it. We have been excited over this for quite some time now. The weeks leading up to Jeffrey's departure, I got really sad. I pride myself on being an independent person. I love spending time alone and without that coveted time, I get claustrophobic. I need to be by myself now and again. Jeffrey is one of the people that understands this need and gives me some of that time to myself. He never takes it personally, he just lets me be. But when it came right down to him leaving, I felt it in the pit of my stomach. Does it ever scare you to think about how much you love someone? Because sometimes it scares me...scares me that I have put that much of myself into someone else and invested so much of my love in another being.

Honestly, Jeffrey is my match. I believe with every fiber of my being that we were made for one another. That it was written somewhere that we would find each other and bring out the very best in one another. I think that's what true love does. Jeffrey brings out every part of me that is good and requires me to examine the parts that need improvement. He does this without trying. It is just by being around him that I feel the urge to be my best self.

Jeffrey carries such a big part of my heart that I feel off kilter without him here. My happiness is my own, but he certainly magnifies it. When he travels, a part of me travels with him. It is the biggest gift and honor to know that I will marry him next year. That he and I will solidify our love during a ceremony in front of our closest loved ones. It all makes my heart want to burst with happiness and gratitude. I am so grateful that I found my counterpart when I was so young. That we have had the blessing of growing up together, of experiencing some of life's milestones hand in hand. He has watched me change and grow and has still stood by my side, my biggest support.

Missing him is hard, but when I finally get to see him I know it will be worth it. That moment will reaffirm all the most precious things I hold in my heart. The little rememberances of Jeffrey that I carry around with me — his smile, his laugh, his all-enveloping hugs. All these things and more. My love forever.

happy father's day.

Sometimes words fail me when it comes to people I love.
I often feel that my dad and I share much of the same heart.
Does that even make sense?
Our personalities were cut from the same cloth,
and he is such a blessing in my life.
Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.

graduation snapshots.

Graduating from college is a special occasion. However, it is the people that surround the graduate that make her feel really special. I felt extremely fortunate to have my closest family members present to celebrate a big accomplishment in my life and shower me with words of kindness and compassion. Without their love and support over the last four years, my college experience would not have been as fun, rewarding, or memorable as it was. I will remember this time in my life as one of growth, self-discovery, and pure joy. It's hard to find the words to sum up such a momentous occasion, but I will never forget the days leading up to my graduation from college and the love and support I felt from those who know me best.

little snapshots.

1. Mother's Day hummingbird feeder.
2. Our sweet little chrysanthemum is in full bloom!
3. Mother's Day cupcakes.
4. Please, please make lemon curd and then spread it on any food item that you believe it would taste remotely good on.
5. Mother's Day card-making remnants.
6. I can't. Just way too cute. And recently nicknamed Emperor of Cuteness.
7. Tibetan Prayer Flags.

Hello, friends! Look, I exist! I know I dropped off the face of the blogosphere for quite some time. I can hardly believe it, but I am a college graduate, folks! ...And it feels quite weird. As Jeffrey and I drove back into our college town after some time spent at home (I am here taking summer classes for the start of my Master's program), I felt like I didn't go to my university anymore, which sounds silly, but felt extremely odd. I didn't really expect to feel much different since I was going straight from undergraduate to graduate work, but I did feel a bit out of place.

Transitional periods are so weird, aren't they? Almost like you're floating above a pool of water and just waiting to be dropped into it with no warning whatsoever. And I've mentioned before that I am wildly sentimental, so this period of time has made me feel hypersensitive to everything. Just after graduation, Jeffrey and I headed home for the short summer break I was given and it was nice to regroup and spend time in my house, where I feel deeply rooted and safe.

For the first time in my life, I've realized how fleeting time really is. Four years of college slipped through my fingers and I can't believe it's been such a long time since I moved into my tiny dorm room with a roommate I did not know, hardly aware of what college would give to me. Sometimes people say that they wish they could stop time, which was a desire I never really understood. Until now. It's shocking to me how fast these four years flew.

Anyway, enough of that talk. The weather in Florida has been absolutely lovely. Some people really don't like Florida summers because it's sunny one minute and then raining the next, but there's nothing I love more than an afternoon rainstorm, so I'm soaking it all up. xo, R.

on graduating (to cohort 76).

I am on the cusp of graduating, so close I can almost touch it. It feels unreal, to be honest. I don't feel like I have any business graduating, as I still feel like the 18-year old I was when I first started college. My first couple years here were tough. I felt very much like a stand in to a life where I didn't belong. It feels sad to type that now and I wish I could give my freshman self a big hug and tell myself everything will be okay, because it is now.

I started my core education courses at the start of my junior year in college. Our program is set up so that you take classes with a cohort, which is just an odd and fancy way of describing a small group of students who take all their academic courses together. There were 25 of us. I was nervous on that first day because I knew I would be spending a great deal of time with these people and I really, really needed them to be my friends. Why? Because I didn't have many. There, I said it. I had one or two really great friends and other than that, I felt like a girl out at sea all by herself. That's really, truly what I felt like.

(Disclaimer: I had great friends at home, but they lived far from my school, so I felt lonely. They still offered me a world of support, though. And Jeffrey was a lovely support, too. He really was.)

On top of that, I had a big band aid on my face from a little spot I had to have removed a few days before. On my face. On the first day of courses with people I did not know, but would be spending a great deal of time with for the next two years. I'm not sure exactly what I thought was going to happen, but I guess it was something like these people won't like me because I have a band aid on my face, which is really dumb now that I think about it. Anyway, sometimes we're irrational as human beings and I can't explain my thought process, but there you have it. A band aid on your face means you will not have friends, no questions asked.

Well, a sweet and kind person (named Lucie) proved me wrong right from the get-go. She sat down next to me, and is it too unbelievable to tell you that right then and there I knew we were going to be forever friends? Because I knew it, folks, I really did. Who knows what we were talking about, but does it matter because HELLO, THERE WAS SOMEONE TALKING TO ME EVEN THOUGH I HAD A BAND AID ON MY FACE!?!! So, my theory about the human-repellant band aid was blown clear out of the water immediately, and then a lovely, curly-headed girl (named Jenn) joined us as well, and she was sweet as pie, too. (I knew education was the best major there ever was, Amen.)

And I am here to tell you that it just kept getting better. These people liked me! They cared about things I care about! They were interested in my life, my opinions, what I ate for lunch! They really, truly were. And it wasn't just the two girls that befriended me on that very first day (although we are still the best of friends and for that I am truly thankful), it was the entire cohort; all 25 of them! I kid you not, these were all nice and kind and gentle people who cared about me and not about the band aid living on my face.

All this nonsense about band aids is simply to say that I am mere weeks from graduating with a degree in education and all of the people who have gone through this program with me probably don't know just how much their friendship meant (means!) to me.

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

They changed my life and I mean that with every fiber of my being. What it all comes down to is this: If you feel excluded or left out or like an outcast simply because you have not found your niche, please do not worry or think it has anything to do with you. I am here to tell you that you will find like-minded people and they will remind you that humanity is good, that friendships are strong and beautiful, and that it is unacceptable to be anyone but yourself.

So, thank you to Cohort 76 for the love and support you have offered me over the last two years and the love and support you will continue to offer in the future. You have meant more to me than I could ever express and you will go out into the world, teach with all your hearts, and you will make a difference. And if you ever feel discouraged or small, please remember that you have already made a world of difference in one person's life — mine.

on blogging and readerships.

I remember the first time I sat down to blog. After I had carefully chosen my URL and gone through all the steps of registering my name and information, I clicked on the 'New Post' button and was taken to a big, blank, white box. I don't really remember the thoughts that went through my head, the words I typed, or if it made me feel any better, but I have come back to this space over and over again to write about my life — my family, my friends, Jeffrey, myself, anything.

Throughout my time in this community, I've made some good friends. I've never met these people, but I have corresponded with them through email and have been fortunate enough to read the glimpses of the life they've been willing to share with myself and the rest of their lovely readers. I have commented, spent hours scrolling through archives, cried, laughed, and felt a deep connection with people who do not know me personally and, most likely, never will. In my opinion, that is a special and unique experience.

I can't say that I've ever garnered a large readership, but I have gained a loyal one. The same people constantly comment on my posts, offer me encouragement, and fuel me to continue my quest of documenting my life at this space. I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful for those people, the connections formed here, the friendships made.

Although I don't remember my feelings as I sat down at this computer to blog nearly three years ago, I can assure you that I never believed I would forge meaningful relationships here. I only ever thought my readers would be people who knew me in real life.

So, to you, my readers, thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time to come to this space daily, weekly, or even monthly to check up on my life and its happenings. Thank you for taking the time to comment and email me and ask me questions and encourage me to continue on. Our friendships are certainly unconventional ones, but I am so appreciative of them every time I think of them. I don't thank you enough for simply reading, being here, and coming back. Your words mean more to me than you know and I appreciate your readership dearly and sincerely. xo, R.

P.S. I'll be back tomorrow with a post about breakfast. :)

little snapshots.

1. York Peppermint Patties + reading material.
2. Pancake batter.
3. Banana pancakes and OJ.
4. Recent favorites (Pacifica body butter, Burt's Bees toner).
5. Sweet salt and pepper shakers from Jeffrey's Aunt.
6. My bike. :)

Weekend happenings: Bike ride (with a stop at Krispy Kreme), two art openings, Mochi with a lovely friend, banana pancakes on Sunday morning, outdoor lunch (fried egg sandwiches) with Jeffrey, and open windows.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I sat down to write this post, I wasn't quite sure what I'd actually end up writing about. I have been blogging at this space for just over three years now. Lately I've been thinking about what I want from this space, why I come here, why I write here, why I share here. Sometimes the blogging community can make me feel small and a little silly. Sometimes it seems more like a competition than anything. That's not why I started this blog.

I started this blog because I felt sad and lonely during my first few months of college. Once I found my footing, I kept this space to remember snippets of my life. You see, I want to tether myself to all the special memories I've made and I can find those memories here. The process of writing them down ingrains them into my mind and allows them to nestle there as constant reminders of the beauty of my life.

Sometimes it's quite easy for me to remain true to my purpose and write about the things I find enjoyable. Other times I find myself wondering why I even write here at all (without being too specific, sometimes I feel like I'm talking — or writing — to myself). I don't like when that happens. I've taken a hiatus before and it's been valuable. It's helped me to remind myself that I blog for me and only me. So, with that sentiment in mind, I think the blog will be quiet this week. As always, thank you for your continued support in reading this blog and in sharing the joy of finding simplicities and serendipities in every part of life. Have a lovely week, friends. xo, R.

a moment in time.

It's quiet this evening. The door is open and the birds are chirping. The incessant construction that surrounds our little home sounds friendly today and some clothes are out drying on our little entry way. A chair is sitting out by the front door, still open from Jeffrey's outdoor lunch. And it is all just so lovely. So lovely to remember the little things and just how special they are when you stop and allow them to be.

a letter to my sixteen year old self.

Dear You (Me...),

In just a few years you'll be where I am right now. Sometimes it feels like it's only been a few days and sometimes it feels like it's been years and years. That happens to everyone.

Stay close with Mom and Dad. They will be the most precious friends and confidants you will find on this big, beautiful Earth. Ever.

Tell yourself you're beautiful. Everyday. Multiple times when it's necessary. You will go through a time in your life in which outward appearances mean a great deal to you. You'll get through it. Just remember it's all the inside stuff that really counts.

Never settle for someone who didn't pick you as the very first choice. You will find that someone who is a great friend has the potential to be so much more. Don't close yourself off. Don't hold yourself back. Be yourself and you will be recognized for it. Love freely and wholly and great things will come from that.

Take your academics seriously. Your commitment and dedication to schoolwork will take you far in life. Friendships and humility will take you even further. Hold tight to your best friend. She is the strongest anchor and the most kindred spirit that you will ever come across. Don't take it for granted.

Be happy with yourself. For as easy as it is to rely on others, it is important that you learn to rely on yourself. Learn to be independent. Do okay on your own.

When you're not okay on your own, lean on your sister. She is the single person who shares heartstrings with you stronger than anything else in this world.

In a few years, your life will be so magnificent, it might sometimes take your breath away. Just remember that you deserve it. All of it.

Be kind to others. Be loyal. Eat well. Take breaks. Get plenty of sleep. Laugh. Be ambitious. Follow your dreams. Chase your passion. Be thankful for all of it. And be thankful often. xo

*image.

for the ones i love.

I have spent minutes, hours in front of the mirror scrutinizing my own appearance. It wasn't always this way. I was raised to believe that I am beautiful, even if, especially if, I don't fit into a definable category. Somewhere along the way, I lost that mentality.

I remember the day I realized my teeth weren't perfectly straight. Honestly, I felt self-conscious right away, wondering how many people had noticed before I had. In reality, it's unlikely that any of the important people in my life based my value on the appearance of my teeth. I was fortunate enough not to need braces as a child -- a fact that should be celebrated, not dwelled upon.

My favorite Hollywood icon of all time is Audrey Hepburn. She is beautiful, but I was never drawn to her because of her physical appearance. She lived her life in a way that made her admirable. Her soul was beautiful. That, in turn, made her beautiful. It was her spirit that changed the world.

To me, beauty is kindness. Showing humility and open-mindedness to the people with which I am lucky enough to share this beautiful planet. I have never judged someone, or befriended someone based on an outward appearance. It has been a person's spirit and generosity that draws me toward him or her. I can't imagine living in a world where everyone looked and acted the same. In a world where friendships were based on the superficiality of physical looks.

I was blessed to be given this vessel -- a vessel that allows me to share kindness and compassion with the people I am fortunate enough to meet and get to know. And how fortunate I also am to look completely different from anyone I know. How fortunate I am to have a slightly crooked smile that reminds me that I am human and that I am unique -- an individual.

It is when people truly open up and show me their personalities that I find myself most intrigued. It is when people share with me personal stories that I find myself drawn to them. I have never begun a friendship because of the way someone looked. It is true, though, that all of my friends and family are beautiful.

It's good to be back. xo, R.

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