Thursday, July 5, 2012
when your heart's on the road.
A little over two weeks ago, Jeffrey left for a bicycle tour. For a year, he has dreamt this idea up and finally he got the opportunity to go after it. We have been excited over this for quite some time now. The weeks leading up to Jeffrey's departure, I got really sad. I pride myself on being an independent person. I love spending time alone and without that coveted time, I get claustrophobic. I need to be by myself now and again. Jeffrey is one of the people that understands this need and gives me some of that time to myself. He never takes it personally, he just lets me be. But when it came right down to him leaving, I felt it in the pit of my stomach. Does it ever scare you to think about how much you love someone? Because sometimes it scares me...scares me that I have put that much of myself into someone else and invested so much of my love in another being.
Honestly, Jeffrey is my match. I believe with every fiber of my being that we were made for one another. That it was written somewhere that we would find each other and bring out the very best in one another. I think that's what true love does. Jeffrey brings out every part of me that is good and requires me to examine the parts that need improvement. He does this without trying. It is just by being around him that I feel the urge to be my best self.
Jeffrey carries such a big part of my heart that I feel off kilter without him here. My happiness is my own, but he certainly magnifies it. When he travels, a part of me travels with him. It is the biggest gift and honor to know that I will marry him next year. That he and I will solidify our love during a ceremony in front of our closest loved ones. It all makes my heart want to burst with happiness and gratitude. I am so grateful that I found my counterpart when I was so young. That we have had the blessing of growing up together, of experiencing some of life's milestones hand in hand. He has watched me change and grow and has still stood by my side, my biggest support.
Missing him is hard, but when I finally get to see him I know it will be worth it. That moment will reaffirm all the most precious things I hold in my heart. The little rememberances of Jeffrey that I carry around with me — his smile, his laugh, his all-enveloping hugs. All these things and more. My love forever.